Has your sex life gone from Red Hot to luke-warm?
Remember those heady days at the beginning of your relationship when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? As time rolls on and life gets in the way - for many women sex goes way down the list of priorities. Identify why your libido may has dipped and take steps to reignite that spark.
Stress and tiredness - You put in a long day in the office, spend the day with small children, care for a family member, run the family home, struggle with bills, etc. When it comes to bed time it’s difficult to switch your brain from stress mode to sex mode.
Illness - Whether you have a temporary ailment or a long term illness, your libido can be significantly reduced when you are unwell.
Medication - Many prescription and over-the-counter drugs can decrease your sex drive including anti-depressants, hypertension medication, sedatives and even the contraceptive pill and IUDs.
Ageing - As we get older sex hormone levels start to drop. This dip in oestrogen and testosterone levels can have a significant effect on our libido.
Relationship issues - If your relationship in the doldrums it is most likely that your sex life is too. If you are giving each other the silent treatment it’s unlikely that you will be in the mood for sex at bed time.
Self image - Society bombards us with images of female perfection in magazines and on TV and film which skews how women perceive themselves. If you don’t love your body, it may be difficult for you to accept that your partner genuinely finds you attractive. It can lead you to hide your body from your partner and it becomes difficult to feel sexy. Learning to love your body is one of the greatest obstacles to developing a sense of sexual confidence.
Depression - If you are feeling down or depressed, thoughts of sex will not be at the top of your agenda. We all experience a bad day or two, but when those days turn into weeks and months, your depressed state will dampen your sex drive long term.
New baby - The arrival into your life this precious new person demanding your constant attention day and night, coupled breast feeding and postpartum recovery can stop your sex drive in its tracks.
Drugs and alcohol - Excessive consumption of alcohol and or drugs takes a toll on your general health and on your sex drive.
Your sex drive is your responsibility
If you don’t address the issue it won’t get better. Take steps to recapture your former sexual appetite.
1. Sex Toys. Many couples will find that the introduction of sex toys into play time can really bring the fire back into the relationship. Elizabeth Morris from Carvaka Sex Toys says “even something as simple as some flavoured lube can reignite a flatlining sex life. Many have reported huge step-changes after introducing dildos into their love making! For the more adventurous, the sky really is the limit. As the saying goes, those who play together, stay together!”
2. It sounds boring, but a healthy diet and daily dose of exercise will make you feel better mentally and physically and can help increase your sex drive.
3. Get more sleep. All areas of your life are affected by poor sleep not least energy levels and mood. Exhaustion is probably the greatest passion killer. Go to bed earlier.
4. De-stress. If you feel constantly under stress it’s time for you to find methods to help your body and mind to unwind. Join a yoga or pilates class. This can help you to open your body to sensations and can boost your body image.
5. Talk to your GP. Perhaps a simple change of medication or contraceptive can increase your sex drive, or perhaps an underlying medical condition will be uncovered, physical or mental.
6. Reconnect with your partner. You may have drifted into a rut. Designate one night per week as ‘date-night’, either at home or by getting a babysitter and going out. Remind each other why you fell in love all those years ago. If your relationship is in serious difficulty and you can no longer communicate effectively, consider relationship therapy to get back on track.
7. Make an effort to re-sexualize yourself. When you feel attractive you are more likely to be in the mood for sex. Allow time in your busy week to pamper and beautify yourself. You'll feel relaxed and sexy. Feeling attractive is a wonderful aphrodisiac.
8. Erotica. For many women, reading erotic novels has a very positive effect in the bedroom. You know which book we’re talking about!
